Giving and draining

By nature I’m a giver. Always have been and always will be. I genuinely love to help others, BUT I have learned recently that constantly giving can be cancerous to your spirit if your own needs are neglected.

Remember that saying “give and you will receive”? Well clearly the person who wrote that must’ve been hanging around a bunch of sexually frustrated nuns and not the dog eat dog people of 2018 aka the trump era.

To be fair, I NEVER give and expect anything in return. That’s just not how I roll, but for fuck’s sake there is a such thing as basic human nature. We all have a time of need which means that everyone goes through something at one point or another. The levels and situations are of course different, but being in need is universal.

Here’s some BASIC examples of giving and receiving:

1. Every Friday Sally brings the whole front office staff coffee. She never ask for reimbursement, but does it because it makes her happy. Fast forward, you’ve been noticing that Sally has been withdrawn, bringing her lunch instead of eating out, and although she still brings the office staff coffee on Fridays she doesn’t bring one for herself. This is when human nature tells you that something is going on with Sally! You know she’s very private so instead of prying, you can do one or more of the following: bring Sally back her regular order while out for lunch, put a $50 gift card on her desk for all those coffees, or you can suggest that the office staff take turns bringing coffee on Friday! You may not have solved whatever problem Sally is having, but you let her know that she’s valued, appreciated, and has a supporter and a friend.

2. Your friendly associate who is always on the go. She works with many organizations, volunteers, and never misses a HS football game is known as the go to person for anything. After weeks of not seeing miss busy body and you know that bitch isn’t dead because she’s been on social media, you know either she’s avoiding you or going through something. Question here is what do you do? This person is always there to help others and is clearly in need of something. She won’t return phone calls nor text messages. She even shooed off the messenger pigeon that flew to her house carrying a letter from you. Frustrating…make her a basket with a few of her favs (an adult coloring book, snacks, tissues, flowers, a candle etc etc). That small gesture may be just the thing to get miss busy body up and out of the house.

Look people who always give of themselves need things too. They just aren’t the type to announce it to the world by making a FB post that screams “IM A NEEDY PUNK ASS BITCH”!!! We almost never say no often times offering our help while neglecting ourselves. People normally view us as having it all together, happy, strong, independent, organized and the list goes on and on but we have moments of total disarray, sadness, loneliness, confusion, and failure just like the hot mess single mom with 5 kids by 5 different dudes does. We hurt and trust me we hurt deeply because we go out of our way to help others so that they don’t feel helpless.

People are selfish assholes. They will hit you up for every single fundraiser their damn kid does but won’t even think to donate a dollar to the non-profit organization you’ve been raising money for 12 years and counting, they will borrow your car and bring it back on empty, they will ask you to support their new business while they haven’t even stopped by once to visit your storefront, they will ride your coattail to their destination and then act like they’ve never even heard of you! Like how can people be like that? It literally blows my mind how heartless and self centered people can be. This is why we all have the responsibility of guarding our own hearts. It is one of the hardest things to teach yourself or to live by.

Here is what I’m teaching myself:

1. If helping others doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it.

2. Don’t help assholes that don’t appreciate your help.

3. Stop helping people who don’t deserve your help.

4. Stop helping people who continuously put themselves in the same stupid situations you keep bailing them out of.

5. If their hand is always out, give them a high 5 and keep it moving.

6. You have every right to offer help for something in return.

It’s so important that people who are blessed with a kind and giving heart are reminded how much they are loved and appreciated. These are the people that will give their last and their all. Without people like that, this mad world would be even shittier than it is and that’s just sad and scary.

One Reply to “Giving and draining”

  1. Agree. Boundaries are what make us wholehearted and people will respect you more when they are in place. Remember- no is a complete sentence. I recently had someone treat me poorly (and had been FOR YEARS). I called her out and modified my behavior as my reaction. I decided I love myself more than to put up with someone who abuses me.

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