There’s nothing more awkward than when one (or more) of your friends slowly becomes your STALKER! I’m not sure how often or not this happens to most people, but for the love of gawd it ALWAYS happens to me. Here are some of the classic signs of when friends become stalkers (totally sounds like the title of a Lifetime movie)
1. They become your friend (which is cool and all)
2. They start coming up with the most random and or bizarre reasons to talk to you or invite you over or NEED you
3. When you don’t immediately respond to their text, calls, or FB messages they start acting like a girlfriend who’s about to get broken up with
4. She starts “liking” your FB pics from like 20 years ago
5. When you post a pic with something inspirational, that bitch will try her hardest to recreate that picture and post the same damn inspirational quote too
6. She will start not only using but making post with your catch phrases (like fucking really…do you think I’m not gonna notice this shit)
7. Whenever she hears about something going on with you, she will pull anything out of her ass to show you she’s been through the same situation as you (huh)
8. Oh let’s not forget she will start sending friend request to all your people on FB (they don’t know youuuuu woman)
9. Then she will have the audacity during her online stalking, to find any post, picture, blog, etc (you get the point) put it under a microscope to find the tiniest of mistakes so that she can message you about it (bitch if you weren’t stalking you wouldn’t have seen that)
You know it’s hard enough dealing with your average stalker following you around, copying your outfits, boiling rabbits in your kitchen a la Glenn close in fatale attraction, but when the person is (or was) your friend it’s especially infuriating because the heffa knows some of your deep dark secrets from those days she pretended to be normal. If you unfriend her ass she’s going to go all postal on you and spray paint on your house that you might smoke weed every now and then (daily) so the whole fucking block knows where that smell is coming from. Why can’t bitches just be petty and shit? They always gotta get all possessive and want to skin you and wear you like a damn fur coat. Well i guess that’s just a small price to pay for being cool as fuck but STOP STALKING!
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