I saw this pic today on another page, and it just grabbed me. Most people see me as this loud mouth, funny, strong, happy, extroverted go getter! I am, but I am also very sensitive and hate to disappoint those I care about. Weight issues have and always will be part of my life no matter what size I am. Every Wednesday, my radio show is video recorded, and I have to accept that the world will see my weight gain on full display. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The camera is cruel to even the skinniest and prettiest people, but having your every flaw documented is a mind fuck I have to push myself through weekly. I fear failure, but I don’t let it paralyze me. Well some days it’s easier to do than others. Today was hard, my lupus mixed with the weather we had put me in constant pain to where every move is unbearable. Yes, I live each day in chronic pain. Some days are far worse than others but the pain is ALWAYS there. Days like today I simply want to give up, because the pain gets to the point where I have no choice but to go to bed and rest, but even that is painful. Depression is always lurking, and sometimes I welcome that old friend but she can’t have a long visit. She serves as a reminder that I can do anything I put my mind to. I’m dealing with some issues that have me feeling like I’m walking on eggshells around other people and if you know me I’m not with that shit, but old age has taught me “in due time” and to “look at the bigger picture”! It’s okay to breakdown, but getting back up swinging even harder is the greater test. Be strong!
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